International Footsteps Newsletter

A Newsletter from Families Thru International Adoption, Inc.

January 2003
Volume 13 - Number 1

What's Inside:

How Can Parents Bond with a "Difficult" Child? - from Perspectives Press
PROGRAM UPDATES
Newest Little Footsteps
Informational Seminars
Thank You!
Help!

How can Parents Bond with a "Difficult Child?"
(from perspectives press)

Adoptive parenting used to be simpler. Now , many adoptive parents routinely face challenges such as adopting across cultures, adopting children born with HIV or drug addiction, or adopting older children who may be "set in their ways" or who have survived sexual abuse. Along with the "standard" challenges of grief and loss, these issues can interfere with the ability of parents and children to bond in their new families.

Adam is an example of a child with an avoidant attachment to his mother. He was adopted at the age of three, after having spent the first eighteen months with his birthmother and next eighteen months in foster care. His parents agree that Adam liked them better before he thought of them as his parents. Adam, at age five, still seems like a shadow in the family at times. At family birthday parties, he sits a little outside of the circle. He seems to sulk about his outside position, even though it is his choice. He turns away from hugs from his parents, and rarely returns their smiles. When his sisters get hugs, he is jealous. His nostrils flair, his motions get jerky, and he ignores their welcoming comments to come join them. His sister said openly, "Why is Adam always mad? I don’t think that he likes us!" A call to the caseworker resulted in a renewed effort by parents to find ways to show their love to Adam. The effort pays off a little, but Adam seems to have a chip on his shoulder. "Are all later-placed adoptions like this?" his mother asked. "I can take it if someone will just tell me the truth. I want to be doing everything that I should be doing. Adam is not very happy, but maybe this is as good as it gets." (Chapter 2)

Now there’s a new resource for parents of children who refuse to be parented: Attachment specialist Deborah Gray, M.S.W., M.P.A., has written a highly readable, practical guide for these parents and it’s already becoming a classic in the field.

Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today’s Parents, Gray’s new book from adoption publisher Perspectives Press, Inc., sold over 2900 copies even before its May, 2002 official release and has received ringing endorsements and created significant buzz in adoption.

Clearly written and filled to the brim with stories of actual parents coping with actual children, the book helps parents identify the specific issues their children face, and learn strategies for integrating these children into loving families and launching them toward successful adulthood. The chapters on grief and trauma will help any adoptive parent understand the loss a child might feel after being repeatedly separated from caregivers and how that separation first from the birth family, and later perhaps from foster care or from friends made in an orphanage creates a resistance to bonding with the adoptive family. Gray sets out clear, effective strategies for working with these children to see the new family not as a betrayal of their previous emotional connection, but as a warm, supportive, nurturing place to love and be loved.

One experienced adoptive mother worried about her boy’s complete lack of eye contact. The therapist suggested a few things, but the idea that she liked best was the chocolate kiss idea. When her boy approached her, with gaze, they both ate a chocolate kiss. He sucked on his, which only stayed melting on his lips while he looked in his mother’s eyes. His gaze tolerance skyrocketed! He sustained gaze after the exercise concluded. Mother became sweet to him. His brown eyes were chocolate to her. She still sneaks chocolates to him. (Chapter 12)

Attaching in Adoption (ISBN 0-944934-29-3, 392 pages, $24.95 hardcover) is available from your favorite bookstore, or direct from the publisher at http://www.perspectivespress.com/attachadopt.html, where you’ll also find many other top-quality adoption books.

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Program Updates

China by Tina J

We’re very happy to announce that the CCAA has lifted the China quota for 2003! This is great news for FTIA and the families we serve. This means we can now accept applications for married couples through out 2003. However, we are not accepting any additional single family applications at this time, as we did fill those few slots immediately.

Many families are asking if this news will mean the wait time for the referral of a child will be reduced. At this point it’s to early to predict, however we remain cautiously optimistic that the time frames will reduce over time. The current time frames for referrals have been pretty consistent. It is still 13-14 months for most families to receive a referral, and approximately 6-8 weeks to travel.

We’ve had a few changes in our China Program over the last few months. Everyone was familiar with Megan McGinn who was most recently our China Program Manager. Megan recently left our agency to focus on completing her Master’s Degree in Social Work. Megan had a wonderful opportunity to complete her degree and graduate a little sooner than she had expected. We’ll all miss her, and wish her the best in her endeavors.

One new addition to the China Team is and Renee Thweatt-Smith. Renee recently joined the team as China Coordinators. I know many of you have already spoken with Renee, and will certainly have more contact with her in the coming months.

To better serve all of our families, upon submitting an application each family will be assigned a China Coordinator to assist them through the adoption process and follow-up, either Lisa, Kate, or Renee. If your Coordinator is not immediately available, our receptionist will either take a message or direct you to the Coordinator’s voice mail. Due to the tremendous number of families we currently have in process, we feel this will better serve our families needs and give each of you the individualized attention you deserve.

We continue to work earnestly in finding families for the children in our Waiting Children Program. We received our last group of Waiting Children in September, and we typically receive new groups about every 3-4 months. Of the 25 children we received, we have successfully placed into homes all but nine boys. These boys range in age from one year to six years old and have varying special needs. Cases are being expedited for families adopting children from the Waiting Children Program, so if you or someone you know is interested in adopting one of these special little boys, please contact Kate Boyd for more details and for the fee reduction schedule. Also, for more information about the available children and the program, please refer to our web-site and click on the Waiting Children Program button, or check the Hot News on our web-site.

We are in urgent need of additional sponsors for our Hunan Foster Care Program! This is a program that we are very excited about and have seen first hand how these children thrive in a foster home environment. We currently have 50 children in foster care until they can be adopted. Unfortunately, at this time FTIA is the main sponsor of this program, and we would welcome your commitment to support a child on a yearly basis. Donations can be made on a monthly basis or a one-time donation. We want to thank those families who are currently involved and welcome more families to participate in this wonderful program. For additional information, please contact one of the China Team members. A one-time donation can make a big difference to these children!

A few reminders ~ it is critical that we receive your Post-Placement Reports in a timely manner. The CCAA is very strict about receiving these reports on time. If you are due to have a 6 month or 12 month post placement report soon, please contact your home study agency or social worker and schedule a visit.

Although we monitor each families I-171H expiration date, we need your assistance in keeping on top of this. Because referrals are currently at 13-14 months, many families are faced with their CIS/INS Approvals expiring before they can travel. We realize this is an added expense that you may not have been prepared for, unfortunately it’s something we have no control over. An expired I-171H will not delay your receiving the referral of a child, but it will delay your travel to China.

Also, we know you’re very busy with your new family member when you return home from China, but it is critical that you file for your child’s Certificate of Citizenship in a timely manner. We feel it’s very important that your child have his or her Certificate of Citizenship as a safeguard. In the event you should ever need to prove citizenship, you’ll have the Certificate readily available. Please send us a copy of your child’s Certificate as soon as you receive it.

As always, our China team is here to assist you in any way we can, to bring your child home!

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Guatemala by Chris

2002 has been a year of growth for the Guatemala Program. We completed over 100 adoptions this year! As you all know, we have had some tumultuous times with ever-changing policies in the Procuraduria as well as the US Embassy. We have weathered the storm and continue to have faith in our program and in our attorneys.

We have tried to be very diligent about keeping you updated on the ever-changing adoption process in Guatemala. We have been sending e-mails and letters as events occur to make sure you have the latest information. In the future, we will be posting these items on the Hot News section of our website (www.ftia.org) and encourage you to begin checking the Hot News often so that you can keep informed.

As you may already know the US CIS/INS has decided to return to random birth mother interviews, which is good news for all families. Other good news includes the change in the time needed to process applications for passports for adopted children. Our attorneys are now able to obtain passports the same day they apply, instead of 4-6 weeks, which means families are traveling rather quickly after approval out of PGN.

We receive many inquiries regarding the implementation of the Hague Treaty in Guatemala. At this point we do know that Guatemala has signed and ratified the treaty but the exact effects of the treaty on adoption and the time frame or nature of any changes is unknown. Many adoption professionals in the US and in Guatemala, including the staff at FTIA, are working diligently to translate laws and proposals related to the Guatemalan adoption process. However, no new laws have been adopted or implemented at this time. We will keep you informed of any legitimate information on our Hot News page. In keeping with our desire to give only accurate information we will not post rumors or hearsay. We will only provide you with accurate, verifiable information.

We also receive many inquiries regarding the wait for a referral. Although we continue to receive a consistent number of referrals, the wait had increased due to a number of factors including CIS/INS actions in Guatemala. The current wait for an infant boy is 2-4 months and the wait for an infant girl is approximately 6-8 months, but we expect wait times to decrease in the next several months. Any changes in the wait time will be posted to Hot News.

The year has ended with a good note. Due to the change in the passport process mentioned above, we have had more than 35 families travel in the last three months alone. This is a very exciting stage of the adoption process. We are always happy to see families traveling to pick up their little ones.

Keith, Chris, Erin, and Salome have all had opportunities to travel to Guatemala this year. We are privileged to be able to say that we know and trust the people with whom we have entrusted the care of your children. We feel it is important for you to know that we admire and have faith in the individuals that we have chosen to facilitate this very important process.

We are honored to be able to serve you through your adoption process. As always, we are available to answer questions and provide guidance. We wish you a happy and prosperous New Year!

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Vietnam by Megan

January 2nd is here and this is date we have been told will be when Vietnam’s new adoption laws will go into effect. Still, there is much uncertainty as to how adoptions from Vietnam by US families will be affected after January 2nd. Vietnam is requiring that all countries, including the US, that wish to allow their citizens to adopt Vietnamese children sign an agreement. The agreement between the US and Vietnam is likely going to be in the form of a Memorandum of Understanding. The US State Department is responsible for negotiating this agreement with the Vietnamese government and the progress on the MOU is uncertain. FTIA is pleased to be a member agency of the Joint Council on International Children’s Services (JCICS), an umbrella organization for adoption agencies. JCICS sent a letter on November 21, 2002 to the US Department of State, Office of Children’s Issues, urging progress on an agreement with Vietnam. Additionally, there has been a petition that supporters of Vietnamese adoptions may sign also asking for action. (You can access this petition by visiting FTIA’s web site under Hot News.)

Additionally, please consider writing your own letter to advocate for quick action by the US State Department on this Memorandum of Understanding between the US and Vietnam. Letters can be sent to the following address: Ms. Michelle Bernier-Toth; Office of Children’s Issues; United States Department of State; 2201 C Street, NW; Washington, DC 20520-4818. Writing your Senators and Congresspeople regarding this issue, is additional action we also urge you to consider. (www.house.gov/writerep & www.congress.org)

Once the agreement is in place between the US and Vietnam, there will be additional changes in the adoption process. However, from what our representatives have been able to gather, we will be able to easily adapt to these changes and make will the transition to the new adoption procedures a smooth one for our families.

On a different note, thank you to all of the families who have adopted from Vietnam through FTIA. Once again, we received 100% of the annual letters and photos!! We cannot emphasize enough how incredibly important it is to submit the letters and photos each year. Thank you so much!

Lastly, this Vietnam Update will be the final update written by me, as my last day at FTIA was Friday, December 6th. I am leaving in order to finish my Master’s in Social Work by completing my second and final field placement at a local social service agency. I’ll be working with children in foster care and their families of origin as a family counselor/parent aide/juvenile mentor. My plan is to continue working in the adoption field after I graduate in August, 2003. Many of the current Vietnam families have spoken with Marla Boehman, who will now handle the Vietnam Program as well as China Special Needs. Working at FTIA for the last 4 years has been one of the most meaningful experiences of my life. I know with Marla and the rest of the FTIA team, that all of the families are in excellent hands. While I am very excited to complete my MSW, it is with great sadness that I leave FTIA. The families, children and friends I have met through FTIA have touched my life in a way that I can’t even describe. Best wishes to you and thank you all for everything!

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Brazil by Keith

We continue to have several parents working on their paperwork to adopt from Brazil. According to recent conversations, we expect to soon receive dossiers that will be forwarded to Brazil. I (Keith) recently spoke with the Executive Secretary of the State Adoption Commission in Rio and she is anxious to receive our paperwork and complete her first adoptions with FTIA. At this time we are still expecting a referral in two to five months after the paperwork is submitted to Brazil, with travel to be within 30 days of the referral.

India by Keith

India is much like Brazil in that we continue to have families preparing their paperwork for India. One of our families has already submitted their letter of application and home study, which are the first documents to be submitted to India, with a dossier following when complete. We hope to hear in the near future about their referral. Like Brazil we hope to have our first adoption from India completed in the first half of 2003.

Russia by Tina H.

With regards to new regions, we continue to have families travel on their first and second trips. Adding new regions this past fall has allowed the invitation process to begin moving regularly for our adoptive families.

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China
Ballenger, John & Rachel
Goodland, IN
Hanna

DeGeorge, Joann
Staten Island, NY 10308
Jillian

Lamb, Chris & Missy
Albuquerque, NM
Chloe

Matese, Mary
Dayton, OH
Elisabeth

McFadden, Matthew & Angela
Germantown, OH
Erin

Sanders, Scott & Melissa
Wexford, PA
Rosalind

Shimmin, Donald & Cheryl
Kettering, OH
Kari

Truesdell, Jerry & Lora
Cincinnati, OH
Grace

Wardrip, Karen
Shelbyville, KY
Olivia

Jiangsu Province

Bruggemeier, Carl & Deborah
Aventura, FL
Zoe

Jiangxi Province

Coy, Mark & Vicki
Fishers, IN
Sophie

Hunan Province

Ragsdale, Roy & Mary
Fishers, IN
Lynn

Guangxi Province

Craine, Lynne
Elkton, MD
Mei-Ling

De Long, Lisa
Indianapolis, IN
Genevieve

Denker, James & McCarty, Mary Jo
Dayton, OH
Anne

Layman, Melinda
Seymour, IN
Jened

McElhill, Fran
Moorestown, NJ
Lili

Semb, Jeffery & Susan
San Diego, CA
Kathryn

Williams, Robert & Robin
Sedalia, MO
Maggie

Fujian Province

Russell, Cheryl Ann
Logan, UT
Tai

Hunan Province

Ameis, Michael & Marie
Greenwood, IN
Kathleen

Burnett, Kieran & Felter, Ann
Pearl River, NY
Catherine

Carver, Michael & Abernathy-Carver, Kathy
Cedar Crest, NM
Christine

Cesaitis, Edward & Martha
Yonkers, NY
Madeline

Clark, Nancy
Mount Laurel, NJ
Katelei

Doelling, Scott & Kathy
Louisville, KY
Hope

Frankowski, Dana & Nancy
Crystal Lake, IL
Chanel

Hucke, Dave & Kay
Oquawka, IL
Lillian

Reutepohler, Curt & Sharon
Jasper, IN
Emma

Thomas, David & Pennie
Kettering, OH
Faith

Wallace, Alan & Watkins, Carolyn
Lomax, IL
Claire

Weber, Mark & Elisabeth
Loveland, OH
Emily

Wittke, Edward & Melissa
Warwick, NY
Nyah

Wong, Hank & Bishop, Chris
Carmel, IN
Annabel

Brant, Clyde & Jen
Loveland, OH
Katherine

Carr, Kevin & Kinsella, Denise
Lakewood, CA
Grace

Caudill, Robert & Elizabeth
Louisville, KY
Madeline

DiFelice, Sharon
Easton, PA
Anna

DuMont, Timothy & Christina
Cincinnati, OH
Eleanor

Jones,Rick & BJ
Albuquerque, NM
Julia

Kipfer, Kurt & Ingrid
Indianapolis, IN
Rori

Ling, Audrey
Brooklyn, NY
Eliana

Millett, Mike & Trina
Hermon, ME
Haylie

Morehead, Jeff & Brenda
Marion, IN
Anna

Steiner, Michael & Sau
Hillsborough, NJ
Erin

White, Ronald & Lory
Evansville, IN
Malia

Yu, Daisy
New York, NY
Jasmine

Arnold, Mike & Debby
Madisonville, KY
Faith

Au, Wing Tong & Sheila
Centerville, OH
Joshua

Boldt, Jeffrey & Ann
Carmel, IN
Alyssa

Carter, Clyde & Jean
Hamilton, OH
Maria

Ellis, Stephen & Marinda
Indianapolis, IN
Alexis

Fovargue, Simon & Ingrid
Purcellville, VA
Emily

Frayer, Patti
Evansville, IN
Olivia

Shaw, Colin & Panter, Danielle
Albuquerque, NM
Libby

Sileo, James & Theresa
Stewart Manor, NY
Samantha

Slowey, Brian & Perrin
Carmel, IN
Ava

Smith, Steve & Cheryl
Martinsville, IN
Sydney

Tomasic, Tim & Dorothy
Zionsville, IN
Lily

Guangdong Province

Kuenzli, Steve & Gwen
Newburgh, IN
Hope

Valdes, Ada
Miami, FL
Cristina

Heath, Richard & Carla
Morristown, NJ
Hannah

Howerton,Don & Lisa
Hanson, KY
Julia

King, Glenn & Jenny
Centerville, IN
Alexis

Klei, John & Glenna
Cincinnati, OH
Soo

Koon, Stephen & Sherry
Madisonville, KY
Makayla

Kruse, Rob & Kim
Hawesville, KY
Jillian

May, Mark & Debra
Indianapolis, IN
Mia

Archer, Eric & Nancy
Indianapolis, IN
Jessica

Barbarise, James & Arlene
Centereach, NY
Bernadette

Betts, Paul & Jayne
New Rochelle, NY
Rachel

Bloom, Shari
Plymouth, IN
Jia

English, Cindy
Elizabethtown, IN
Kianna

Hancock, John & Donna
South Riding, VA
Emily

Olivey, Kevin & Sheryl
Evansville, IN
Devon

Flook, Kevin & Vicki
Noblesville, IN
Victoria

Grega, Tom & Tammy
Cincinnati, OH
Jacob

Scherf, Pete & Chesnut-Scherf, Rhonda
Michigan City, IN
LuXi

Schmitz, Jerry & Heidi
Ozark, MO
Hannah

Anhui Province

Abby, Jack& Maggie
Louisville, KY
Lily

Busby, Lee & Elizabeth
Fairfield, OH
Makenna

Gervais, Carl & Piirot, Cynthia
Albuquerque, NM
Claire

Jones, Douglas & Meyer Mitchell, Leigh
Green Cove Springs, FL
Emma

Kosowski, Kenneth & Barbara
Downers Grove, IL
Helen

Lent, John & Barbara
Yonkers, NY
Emma

Lombardi, John & Minna
Mt. Sinai, NY
Regina

Maloney, Vincent & Ericson, Karen
Ft. Wayne, IN
Dana

Marshall, Michael & Sharon
Princeton, IN
Taylor

Ross, Don
Dayton, OH
John

Van Vorst, Robin
Cynthiana, IN
Hannah

Vogelsberg, Karen
Louisville, KY
Anna

Wallquist, Helen
Antelope, CA
Kira

Guatemala

Anastos, Thomas & Ambriola-Anastos, Lori
Cleveland, OH
Simon

Ashcraft, Michael & Melinda
Avon, IN
Aaron

Bastnagel, Philip & Victoria
Indianapolis, IN
Maria

Beal, James & Marisa
Urbandale, IA
Sidney & Ian

Brennan, Mark & Pena-Brennan, Blanca
Brooklyn, NY
Marta

Broeckel, Michael & Laurie
DePere, WI
Anna

Cummins, Charles & Rhonda
Paris, KY
Alexander

Elliott, Lori
Indianapolis, IN
Alexis

Engle, Terri
Indianapolis, IN
Noe

Fluharty, Jeffrey & Janette
Avon, IN
Byron

Fowler, Anthony & Lydia
Evansville, IN
Molly

Friesner, Rick & Lisa
Columbus, IN
Luke

Gale, Jason & Emily
Port Clinton, OH
Cristhian

Glass, Ed & Lynn
Albuquerque, NM
Suzely

Hendrix, Dwight & Jennifer
Seymour, IN
Carter

Hildner, Ann
Indianapolis, IN
Maya

Hiller, William & Stacey
Carmel, IN
Joshua Perez

Hooten, James & Amy
Mt. Carmel, IL
Alyssa

Hurley, Amy
Greensburg, IN
Molli

Jansen, Darrin & Melody
Louisville, KY
Alia

Kreuzman, John & Jamie
Indianapolis, IN
Abigail

Kuhne, William & Jennifer
Chula Vista, CA
Maya

Ledford, Charles & Kathleen
Bowling Green, KY
Kelcie

Lipe, LeAnn
Bloomington, IN
Sophia

Marin, Orlando & Achino, Catherine
Chicago, IL
Daniela

Matheny, Jeff & Sonya
Mt. Washington, KY
Olivia

McGee, Kelly & Carrie
Louisville, KY
Zachary

Miller, Carol
Louisville, KY
Isabel

O’Shaughnessy, Michael & Judith
Goshen, KY
Ana

Quay, Katherine
Jamestown, IN
Carlos

Rayer, Floyd & Goldie
Indianapolis, IN
Gabriella

Riley, Robert & Beth
Franklin, WI
Emma

Smith, Jeri
Indianapolis, IN
Michael

Sperry, Jane
Belleville, IL
Sophia

Street, Terry & Karen
Indianapolis, IN
Roland & Tura

Wehrman, Kenneth & Tammy
Yorkshire, OH
Sean

Williams, Vicki
Lafayette, IN
Benjamin

Withrow, David & Jennifer
Hamilton, OH
Eddilsson

Russia
Rostov

Estep, Greg & Ruth
Mason, OH
Jacob & Nadia

Grose, Stephen & Lisa
Grandview, IN
Lydia & Eli

Kapfhammer, Frank & Marcie
Louisville, KY
Trey

Luchini, Paul & Honaker, Christin
Shelbyville, KY
Isabella & Paul

Margolies, David & Hochhauser, Sheila
Manhattan, KS
Samuel

Nauman, Eric & Cindy
New Albany, IN
Halle & Max

Pappas, Kim
Louisville, KY
Alexander

Pasquale, Vince & Ann
Westerville, OH
Nickolas

Wentzel, Mark & Mary
Greenwood, IN
Anna

Ekaterinburg

Briggs DeVazier, Jan
Indianapolis, IN
Samuel

Gamble, Marty & Vickie
Crofton, KY
Makayla

Goetting, Mark & Laraine
Evansville, IN
Shay & Tatiana

Voelz, Tony & Angie
Columbus, IN
Lily & Easton

Kaliningrad

Jackson, Brad & Jenny
Terre Haute, IN
Nolan

Kemerovo

Dafforn, Scott & Bodkin-Dafforn, Beth
Indianapolis, IN
Alexander

Vietnam

Quang Nam Province

Baumann, Maurice & Weaver-Baumann, Patricia
Wilmington, DE
Trang

Buchman, Gene & Mary
Framingham, MA
Michael

Soc Trang Provice

Buchman, Gene & Mary
Framingham, MA
Joshua

Bac Giang Province

Liam Tai Cheung Chun Wah & Yuk Mui Cheung
Mauritius
Victor

Follstad, Eric & Sarah
Valrico, FL
Jacob

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Informational Seminars

Our Spring information schedule is on our website. Please think about inviting anyone who may be interested in hearing about adoption to attend.

Thank You!

A "thank you" to everyone who sent us a Christmas card, pictures or special goodies. Every card is read, every photograph is looked at many times and all goodies quickly eaten. We hope everyone had a blessed holiday season.

HELP!

Please provide us with your correct email address. For our parents, who have completed your adoption, we still send out emails on important and relevant issues. Postage gets so expensive, we prefer email. In addition, we hope to email our newsletters before the end of 2003. Again postage and printing costs are so expensive, but we want to stay in touch. Please email us your current email addresses to adopt@ftia.org. Thank you.